Another Year Older

     Yesterday was my birthday, and so far 35 is not looking too bad.  My wonderful husband look Luke and I out for dinner.  As we sat in eating a wonderful meal, Luke not appreciating nursing under his blanket, I suddenly remembered my birthday dinner last year.  Just Mick and I, starry eyed, planning for the new little life we had just found out about the day before, and who was due to arrive in June on Mick's birthday.  You'd think after having 7 children, that we would not get so excited about adding a new child to our family, but we did!  We were feeling so blessed, and praying for a much smoother pregnancy and delivery than the last time. I had hopes of nursing Lia until closer to 20 weeks pregnant when I heard supply became an issue, we were making plans to move Lia in with the older girls in a few moths so the nursery could be made ready for our new arrival, and then we got to the dreaded question of how to break it to our families that we were going to have another baby.  Telling our families always is a source of serious kill-joy, so I told Mick I didn't want to talk about it on my birthday.  I don't remember much about the rest of dinner last year, but it did make me reflect on the last years events when I was up with Luke at 1:30 this morning.

     I had weaned Lia the second week of October because the nausea of my new pregnancy made letdown so awful I just couldn't do it anymore.  My hats off to those moms who do manage to nurse successfully while expecting!  Looking back, that is one thing I wish I could change.  It would have made keeping a supply for Luke much easier if I had an older nursling.  I struggled a lot with getting my milk to come in, needing many supplements.  Lia did move in with the older girls.  This is one of my favorite things of the last year!  Lia loves her big sisters so much! Addy reads to Lia almost every night after I put them both into bed.  This is a special thing for them, and Addy is the first person Lia calls for in the mornings.  Most days, Addy helps Lia climb out of her crib and come down stairs each morning.  The sweet sister friends they have become is a relationship that I hope they keep for the rest of their lives.  Another change in rooms happened, when Justin moved back in with the 3 younger boys.  Ok, so this was a challenge for them all, but in the long run it will serve them well.  Learning to share your space with others is a life skill!  Many a college dorm dweller will tell of the awful, messy, inconsiderate roommate they had, and I am determined not to produce one of those.  The boys have a strange brotherly relationship which Mick says that as a girl I just can't appreciate.  Boys are not like girls, and the relationship they have can go from loving to fists flying in 0-60 and in the end it's all good.  I don't like it one bit and am trying to break that out of them, but some of it I think God puts into boys as they will need to be the protector and defender of their own family one day. We're working on a balance, and I'm praying for guidance. 

     As for me, I think I've learned a few things over the last year that will make this year better.  I've learned that keeping God first will only make me better and stronger, and if I faithfully give Him my first part of my day the rest of it goes much more smoothly.  I've tried end of the day bible time, but reading puts me to sleep.  In the middle of the day, I have 100 other things I need to get done.  So, I've gone back to setting my alarm for 5:15 each day and getting a cup of coffee and spending time with the Lord.  Also, moving bible time with the kids from bedtime to before we start school has made a huge difference in their attitudes also.  God is blessing our days because we are giving them to Him first, and I think this is a life long habit for me.  Another thing I've had to let go of is my worry about Lia.  This year brought about more changes, a diagnosis of cerebral palsy being the hardest to come to terms with.  Even though Lia is very high functioning, her disability is becoming more evident as she is getting older and I worry about how other kids will treat her as it becomes more apparent.  Learning disabilities are another concern, but I'm giving it to God and I know that he'll give me all I need as I need it, so no borrowing troubles.  School is another area God is growing me.  I used to stress about keeping up with <fill in the blank>.  Public school kids, friends kids, the expectations people had or I perceived they had, and all I did was run in circles of worry and get little accomplished. I reset my goals and they are much more God focused.  I remind myself that as long as I equip the kids with the love of the Lord and teach them how to find information to learn about things, the rest is all for tests.  Alyssa is right, algebra 2 will probably not be something she'll ever need as a missionary, but to graduate from the MCS IS program she needs it.  Just a check list requirement with very little life long value.  I'm trying to keep those things to a minimum and the love of learning and desire and curiosity about life alive.  Sucking the joy of learning out of life is what schools do,  and is one of the reasons we chose to home school.  Math, much to Alyssa and Alex's dismay, is a life skill and must be done every day :)  I sat down at the beginning of the year, and wrote down things I wanted the kids to be equipped with before they left our home. I took those goals and figured out how to mesh them with the state of Ohio's idea of what our kids need to know before they consider them ready to move on to adult living, and I think my list is much more practical.  Either way, I feel like my priorities are much more grounded and my focus is where it needs to be. 

     So, here I am on the first day of a new year of life, fresh with no mistakes in it, yet.  And, like Anne Shirley I hope that the newness of each day is not something I take for granted.  That life's business and to do lists don't suck the love of life out of me. That God's will for me would be carried out, and I could be useful in His plans. Yes, the next year is looking pretty good.